Breaking soul ties. We did it. We tried it. It didn’t work. Then we shoved our heads in a hole in the wall waiting to figure out what’s next. Ok, maybe not, but it did leave us stranded trying to figure out the next religious technique.

But as somewhat of a spiritual scientist who digs deeper, I wondered why there was usually temporary relief but no permanent changes.  Here is what I discovered.

Souls ties are built on the premise that our souls become knit together with objects, relationships (past and present), or places to which we become inordinately attached.

We were told that there are good soul ties…

  • Husband & wife: Gen. 2:24
  • Father & son: Gen. 44:30, Jacob & Benjamin
  • Good friends: 1 Sam. 18:1, David & Jonathan
  • You & God: Deut. 10:20

But we are also told that there were biblical examples of destructive or unholy soul ties such as Shechem & Dinah in Gen. 34:1-3.

We prayed prayers like this thinking they had power, “Heavenly Father, I ask You to forgive me of any and all sexual misconduct, specifically with the names on this list, and/or any unnatural or ungodly relationship with any other person, place, or thing, and in the mighty Name of Jesus, I ask that my spirit be loosed from them according to Matthew 18:18-19. I tell my spirit to forget the unions, and I tell my mind to release responsibility for them, and I tell my emotions to let go and forget the union, and I tell the fragmented pieces of my soul to come back together.  I hereby break every soul tie in the Name of Jesus. Amen.”

We made confessions. We said the prayers. We renounced past connections. We wrote down our sexual sins and then tore them up and stomped on them. We shouted victory that those attachments were broken.

By our movements, actions, and emotional celebration we experienced a short term emotional disconnect that often felt genuine (in psychology it is called a pattern interrupt). But it wasn’t sustainable long term.

Why?

Because it is not the gospel.

Because it does not go to the root of the issue.

Because it is religion. It is just a mechanical repetition of words without meaning or understanding how our hearts work.

First of all, the reason that we are emotionally attached in an unhealthy way to someone or something is because of a belief and until the belief changes then our the core reason for our attachment doesn’t change. We sense a need to hold that attachment in place because it gives us something. It is serving a purpose in our life.

For example, let’s say that you carry a picture of an old girl-friend in your wallet, or iPhone. You know that it makes your wife uncomfortable but you can’t seem to get rid of it. Why do you do it? Well, because you are stupid.

Oh wait, no, that is not what I meant. That IS how we often feel though right?

What is that picture of the old girl friend doing for you? What is the emotion that you feel toward the picture/person? Not the emotional fear you have in giving it up, but what is the emotion that you feel toward it? Is it a sense of longing?

What is the belief behind that emotion?

Well… maybe if you are honest it is the belief that there is something that person gave you that your current relationship is not. Maybe that old girl-friend didn’t judge you and you feel judged in your current relationship. So maybe the belief is that one day you can get back together if your current relationship doesn’t work out. Or maybe it is the feeling of regret and you wish you were still together.

Whatever the belief… which is generally a lie… ask the Father to tell you the truth. “Father, what is the truth that you want me to know here?” If you didn’t get an answer, then it is just because you really haven’t identified the belief behind the emotional attachment yet. Try again.

If your heart senses a cliche answer, ask again, “Father, I know that cliche answer was probably just my own thoughts. Share with me the truth, in my heart. Show me a picture. Let me sense what the truth is. Or speak to me. lead me into an experience.”

Then after listening, you might sense… that the truth is “your wife isn’t judging you… you are living out of a place of insecurity.” Then you ask, “Father, where do I find security, that I am ok?” And the Father says, “I have accepted you just as you are, inadequacies, quirks, confusion, warts and all. Live FROM my view of you.” 

With the lie broken, the need for the picture is removed and as the truth grows stronger and stronger the attachment is broken.

In other words, the good news out of personal relationship is where freedom is found. It is not in jumping, shouting and confessing some mantra like the prophets of Baal cutting themselves and dancing around the altar. That just looks… well… silly.

By Dr Chuck Crisco

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